I always thought that I was the only one
Being choked alive by anxiety
But I wasn't
It wasn't just me
I never would've known
Had I not picked up the phone
and expressed the pressure I felt on my dome
But I did
So glad that I did
Cause that was when I found out
that Talking doesn't Hurt
In fact it made me feel better
I felt 10 pounds lighter
The clouds went away
The Sun shined so much brighter
And to think I almost kept it all inside
But I am so glad that I decided to swallow my pride
So if you ever feel sad, anxious, or depressed
Talk to the Most High For he knows what's best
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
THE POWER OF TALKING
For years I have been holding on to some pinned up anger. I had no idea of where it came from. I prayed and asked God to help me with it. His response..." You need to purge.....Let go of some things".
To Purge:
a. To free from impurities; purify.
b. To remove (impurities and other elements) by or as if by cleansing.
I wasn't sure of where to start, but I knew that God would lead me in the right direction. That night I went to Bible Study, and Pastor discussed the importance of letting go and forgiving people for the wrong that they have done. That's when the light bulb came on...I had to learn how to forgive some of the people from my past that hurt me. So I reflected on it. At first I felt somewhat confused because I thought that I had resolved any issues that I had with former relationships. Then the Holy Spirit spoke and told me to think deeper. I had to talk to some folks that were closer than any friend....my family.
So the first person that I talked to was my Dad. I had to tell him everything that I had been wanting to say since I was a young girl. I thought that he would not receive it well, but he welcomed my feelings, thoughts, words with complete understanding. I was in utter disbelief. I thought that talking to my Dad would hurt, not only me, but him too. But it didn't. This is the first proof that talking doesn't hurt...
The next person that I had to talk to was my mother. I had been pacing all day wondering what I should say. So again I had to talk to God. He let me know that he would be there with me. So I talked to my mom, cried a little, and thanked God for the opportunity to heal form past hurt, but also the opportunity to help my mom release some of the things that she was holiong on to for over 20 years.This is the second proof that talking doesn't hurt...
I can honestly say that now that I have purged, I feel so much happier. I had to be real with myself, and realize that talking does not hurt. You hurt not only yourself, but others. The first step in healing ladies and gentleman...is talking. Talk to the Most High.....and ask him to give you the strength and guidance to heal any hurt, depression, pain, etc. that you may be holding on to.
To Purge:
a. To free from impurities; purify.
b. To remove (impurities and other elements) by or as if by cleansing.
I wasn't sure of where to start, but I knew that God would lead me in the right direction. That night I went to Bible Study, and Pastor discussed the importance of letting go and forgiving people for the wrong that they have done. That's when the light bulb came on...I had to learn how to forgive some of the people from my past that hurt me. So I reflected on it. At first I felt somewhat confused because I thought that I had resolved any issues that I had with former relationships. Then the Holy Spirit spoke and told me to think deeper. I had to talk to some folks that were closer than any friend....my family.
So the first person that I talked to was my Dad. I had to tell him everything that I had been wanting to say since I was a young girl. I thought that he would not receive it well, but he welcomed my feelings, thoughts, words with complete understanding. I was in utter disbelief. I thought that talking to my Dad would hurt, not only me, but him too. But it didn't. This is the first proof that talking doesn't hurt...
The next person that I had to talk to was my mother. I had been pacing all day wondering what I should say. So again I had to talk to God. He let me know that he would be there with me. So I talked to my mom, cried a little, and thanked God for the opportunity to heal form past hurt, but also the opportunity to help my mom release some of the things that she was holiong on to for over 20 years.This is the second proof that talking doesn't hurt...
I can honestly say that now that I have purged, I feel so much happier. I had to be real with myself, and realize that talking does not hurt. You hurt not only yourself, but others. The first step in healing ladies and gentleman...is talking. Talk to the Most High.....and ask him to give you the strength and guidance to heal any hurt, depression, pain, etc. that you may be holding on to.
Monday, February 8, 2010
The First Talk
In 2008, my life was good, I had a good job, I was in a new relationship with the woman of my dreams, and everyone was in good health. Or so I thought. I was good physically but mentally I was not. I was dealing with depression and didn't even know it. This bad feeling just came from nowhere. It was like a dark cloud was over my head. I just couldn't get a grasp on why I was feeling so bad. I thought it was work so I started to take off for days at a time. I use to find a way to leave early just to come home and go to sleep. Sleep was my only way out of this dark feeling but when I woke up the cloud was there waiting for me. I thought I was going out of my mind. My wife Olivia knew something was wrong and tried to get me to talk about it, but I remained silent on this darkness that I was battling. As a man, I felt that I could never show my weakness. I felt that a man should be the rock of the family and that I should take the weight of everyone’s problems and resolve them. I felt that everyone should come to me with their issues, and not open up about my own issues. I just tried to keep my feelings to myself because I didn't want anyone to be worried about me. I thought that this feeling would just go away, but it was right there every day. I prayed and prayed and prayed to the Most High more than I ever did in my life! I didn't start to feel better until one day I just couldn't take it anymore. I started to talk to my wife on how I was feeling and just broke down in her arms and started to cry. I thought that I would feel less of a man if I cried in front of my woman, but what I now realize is that the first step in my healing was to release it. No let me take that back. My first step I took was to talk to the Most High. Then that gave me the strength to open up to my wife on how I was feeling. This is the first time that I was transparent and told her how I was truly feeling on the inside.
Olivia suggested that maybe she should go back to work. I said no because doing natural hair was her passion and I saw how good she was at it. I was making enough money to take care of everything and I wanted to show her how much that I believed in her. Then she said maybe I needed a change of environment because I lived in Maryland all of my life. She said we should move somewhere like Atlanta because comedy is big down there and she know how much I love to do comedy. I said no and that I was ok doing comedy here plus I don't want to go back on my word about letting you live your dream doing hair. So that was the end of it.
That same night, or a couple of nights after, I woke up out of a dream and said shouted Atlanta . Olivia woke up and asked what was wrong. I told her that we need to move to Atlanta. She then said ok, lets make plans to get down there. She said that she could find a job down there and that I could do comedy full time. So we both started looking for jobs in the Atlanta area. Olivia got an interview for an IT position a couple of weeks later. We were both ecstatic. She reached out to some friends on facebook, and a friend named Nashira told her that she could live with her until she found a job. So Olivia packed up the car and went to Atlanta June 21st 2008. I was so excited that my dark cloud began to turn into sun shine. We were about to make our dreams come true!
Olivia went on the interview and didn't get the job. That same night of the interview, Olivia was contacted by the owner of a natural hair salon in Smyrna. Let me back up……While she was doing hair in Baltimore, one of her clients referred her to Kim and her salon called Deeply Rooted. So Olivia thought she could work there until she finds a nine to five job. She started working there and made enough money to get a place. So I put in my two weeks at my job. Now I was back to myself and all I saw was sun shine. I moved to Atlanta one month later. Our children, Lanaia & Kimani, were with Olivia's mother for the summer to give us time to set up the place. I was on cloud 9. So I started to look for a job and found one in a matter of a month. We got married on August 1st and went to North Carolina to get the kids. Everything was falling into place. I thought that my depression was going be a thing of the past but it wasn't. While at work on my new job, I started to feel the same way I felt in Maryland. That cloud came back once again. I even developed a stress boil on the bridge of my nose. Olivia told me tol quit your job because I was down here to do comedy any way. So I quit and did comedy full time. The cloud went away again but it was still raining because she was working and I wasn't. I didn't feel like the man of the house anymore and being a stay home dad was getting old.
This went on for about six mouths. Then she found out that she was pregnant with our first child together. So I got a couple of jobs and she was at home on bed rest because she was high risk. I felt better because I was now in my proper place in the house. I was the provider once again. So on September 2009, Olivia gave birth to a 6 pound baby girl. We named her Sade Kali Thompson. Everything was great. I found a stable job at Life University, but about three months into the job that dark cloud started to come back again out of nowhere. I was about to think about quitting my job again but I couldn't because I was the main source of income. So I prayed to the Most High to take this feeling away. He answered my prayer by letting finding someone to talk to about my issues. He sent me brother Trenell Davis. He was the mail man at Life University. We would have long talks about things we both were going through and that helped me to get over the depression before it got whose than before. Trenell and I became real good friends. I looked at him as my mentor and he look at me as a student. The sun was shining and I had no more clouds over me.
About two weeks into 2010, that cloud came back again. I was like here we go again. This time the cloud was so dark that I couldn't even sleep to get away from it. I was going through hell! So Olivia suggested that I cut my locs because she knew other people that went through what I was going through and it made them feel better when they cut their locs. I was like no! I'm never cutting my locs. I grew my locs for 6 1/2 years. I was so stubborn when it came to my locs. Then on January 22, 2010, I felt this dark feeling over me stronger than I ever felt in all of my life. It was so bad that Olivia said that she was scared to leave me alone. I told her that I was suffering and I don't know what to do. She really got scared when I told her that I may have to cut my locs because she knew how much I cherished them. She then left and went to the dentist for her appointment. She called me and called me and called me to make sure that I was ok. The dentist appointment fell through, so she stopped by Deeply Rooted. While Olivia was at Deeply Rooted, I was at home in bed surrounded by this darkness. I then got out of bed, got the scissors, went to the bathroom mirror and held then up to my locs. I couldn't do it! Something told me to just go back in my bed room and pray to the Most High. So I ask the Most High to be with me and I heard him louder than I ever hear him. The Most High said "I'm with you my son". I went back to the bathroom without hesitation and began cutting off my locs. The first cut was like a release. I started to feel better and better with each cut. While I was cutting my hair, Olivia was at Deeply Rooted with our friends that worked there and they prayed for me not knowing what I was doing home. There is power in prayer. While I was praying, they were at Deeply Rooted praying with me.
I called Olivia and told her that I cut off all my locs. She was very happy and rushed home. She said when she saw me, it was like she saw a new man. If fact she did because I was born again. I had let go and let the Most High take control. Cutting my hair represented me giving my life to the Most High and being obedient. The Most High told me to cut my hair before and I didn't listen because I was stubborn. Cutting my hair let the Most High know that I can't do anything on my own and that I needed him to lead me on the path that I had set in place for before I was born. After that day, my life changed. The Most High gave my family blessing after blessing after blessing, not only in health but with people in our lives. The Most High gave us an angel in the form of Annika Young. She instructed my wife on the steps that she should take to help me heal. She instructed Olivia to pray over me audibly. There is so much power in prayer, Ashe'! Annika shared her gift that she had in side of her, the gift of speaking and sharing the works of the Most High. Annika has a positive spirit in her that she does not keep to herself. She shares her blessing with the world! So we talked over the phone for the first time and I told her my story. What I didn’t know was that Annika worked at CNN and wanted to share her blessings. She told me that she wanted to tell my story in front of the whole world! I almost dropped the phone. She said I wanted to tape one of my comedy shows and interview me and Olivia for a piece on black men battling depression. The Most High is so good!
On Sunday, January 31st we went to our church, Destiny World Church, and I gave my life to the Most High. Our Pastor, Wilbert T. Purvis III, had me so full of the spirit that I was the first one to the alter call. I went back into the prayer room and asked that they would pray for my strength because that night was my first night doing clean comedy. So it was done. That night at my good friend Comedian Reggie Jackson's Comedy verity show, I had the best show that I had ever had plus I was getting recorded by CNN. I give it all to the Most High! All to the Most High! All to the Most High! For everything! That following Wednesday, Olivia and I went to CNN for the interview with Annika. We felt ok about it but we were still overwhelmed by everything. So we called Annika and asked her how we did and she said we did great. Then she told us that the show was going to air that Saturday night. Olivia and I were ecstatic! It was also a blessing to have Queen Dr. Morrow on the piece as well. So not only was the depression gone, Olivia and I were about to make history! So Friday came and that’s when the enemy tested all of us. I believe Annika was hit the hardest. The story was almost was a no go due to show changes that took place. We then all started to pray to the Most High again and all was well. The Most High is so good! Then on Saturday, February 6, 2010, history was made. They showed our story in front of millions of people! I was just in dream land when I saw us on TV. This piece was put together and produced with perfection like when the Most High created the universe. It was awesome! I have viewed the clip online about 50 times already. ..lol. So that same night, my wife and I started this blog to hopefully help people to get over what I went through and with the hope that it will bless someone and save their life. The first step is to pray to the Most High and put all faith into him. Then talk about it! Talk about it! Talk about it! You will not be less of a man or woman if you talk about how you are feeling. It worked for me and I'm living and breathing with the grace of the Most High to tell you that it can work for you too! Talking Doesn't Hurt! Amen and Ashe'!
Olivia suggested that maybe she should go back to work. I said no because doing natural hair was her passion and I saw how good she was at it. I was making enough money to take care of everything and I wanted to show her how much that I believed in her. Then she said maybe I needed a change of environment because I lived in Maryland all of my life. She said we should move somewhere like Atlanta because comedy is big down there and she know how much I love to do comedy. I said no and that I was ok doing comedy here plus I don't want to go back on my word about letting you live your dream doing hair. So that was the end of it.
That same night, or a couple of nights after, I woke up out of a dream and said shouted Atlanta . Olivia woke up and asked what was wrong. I told her that we need to move to Atlanta. She then said ok, lets make plans to get down there. She said that she could find a job down there and that I could do comedy full time. So we both started looking for jobs in the Atlanta area. Olivia got an interview for an IT position a couple of weeks later. We were both ecstatic. She reached out to some friends on facebook, and a friend named Nashira told her that she could live with her until she found a job. So Olivia packed up the car and went to Atlanta June 21st 2008. I was so excited that my dark cloud began to turn into sun shine. We were about to make our dreams come true!
Olivia went on the interview and didn't get the job. That same night of the interview, Olivia was contacted by the owner of a natural hair salon in Smyrna. Let me back up……While she was doing hair in Baltimore, one of her clients referred her to Kim and her salon called Deeply Rooted. So Olivia thought she could work there until she finds a nine to five job. She started working there and made enough money to get a place. So I put in my two weeks at my job. Now I was back to myself and all I saw was sun shine. I moved to Atlanta one month later. Our children, Lanaia & Kimani, were with Olivia's mother for the summer to give us time to set up the place. I was on cloud 9. So I started to look for a job and found one in a matter of a month. We got married on August 1st and went to North Carolina to get the kids. Everything was falling into place. I thought that my depression was going be a thing of the past but it wasn't. While at work on my new job, I started to feel the same way I felt in Maryland. That cloud came back once again. I even developed a stress boil on the bridge of my nose. Olivia told me tol quit your job because I was down here to do comedy any way. So I quit and did comedy full time. The cloud went away again but it was still raining because she was working and I wasn't. I didn't feel like the man of the house anymore and being a stay home dad was getting old.
This went on for about six mouths. Then she found out that she was pregnant with our first child together. So I got a couple of jobs and she was at home on bed rest because she was high risk. I felt better because I was now in my proper place in the house. I was the provider once again. So on September 2009, Olivia gave birth to a 6 pound baby girl. We named her Sade Kali Thompson. Everything was great. I found a stable job at Life University, but about three months into the job that dark cloud started to come back again out of nowhere. I was about to think about quitting my job again but I couldn't because I was the main source of income. So I prayed to the Most High to take this feeling away. He answered my prayer by letting finding someone to talk to about my issues. He sent me brother Trenell Davis. He was the mail man at Life University. We would have long talks about things we both were going through and that helped me to get over the depression before it got whose than before. Trenell and I became real good friends. I looked at him as my mentor and he look at me as a student. The sun was shining and I had no more clouds over me.
About two weeks into 2010, that cloud came back again. I was like here we go again. This time the cloud was so dark that I couldn't even sleep to get away from it. I was going through hell! So Olivia suggested that I cut my locs because she knew other people that went through what I was going through and it made them feel better when they cut their locs. I was like no! I'm never cutting my locs. I grew my locs for 6 1/2 years. I was so stubborn when it came to my locs. Then on January 22, 2010, I felt this dark feeling over me stronger than I ever felt in all of my life. It was so bad that Olivia said that she was scared to leave me alone. I told her that I was suffering and I don't know what to do. She really got scared when I told her that I may have to cut my locs because she knew how much I cherished them. She then left and went to the dentist for her appointment. She called me and called me and called me to make sure that I was ok. The dentist appointment fell through, so she stopped by Deeply Rooted. While Olivia was at Deeply Rooted, I was at home in bed surrounded by this darkness. I then got out of bed, got the scissors, went to the bathroom mirror and held then up to my locs. I couldn't do it! Something told me to just go back in my bed room and pray to the Most High. So I ask the Most High to be with me and I heard him louder than I ever hear him. The Most High said "I'm with you my son". I went back to the bathroom without hesitation and began cutting off my locs. The first cut was like a release. I started to feel better and better with each cut. While I was cutting my hair, Olivia was at Deeply Rooted with our friends that worked there and they prayed for me not knowing what I was doing home. There is power in prayer. While I was praying, they were at Deeply Rooted praying with me.
I called Olivia and told her that I cut off all my locs. She was very happy and rushed home. She said when she saw me, it was like she saw a new man. If fact she did because I was born again. I had let go and let the Most High take control. Cutting my hair represented me giving my life to the Most High and being obedient. The Most High told me to cut my hair before and I didn't listen because I was stubborn. Cutting my hair let the Most High know that I can't do anything on my own and that I needed him to lead me on the path that I had set in place for before I was born. After that day, my life changed. The Most High gave my family blessing after blessing after blessing, not only in health but with people in our lives. The Most High gave us an angel in the form of Annika Young. She instructed my wife on the steps that she should take to help me heal. She instructed Olivia to pray over me audibly. There is so much power in prayer, Ashe'! Annika shared her gift that she had in side of her, the gift of speaking and sharing the works of the Most High. Annika has a positive spirit in her that she does not keep to herself. She shares her blessing with the world! So we talked over the phone for the first time and I told her my story. What I didn’t know was that Annika worked at CNN and wanted to share her blessings. She told me that she wanted to tell my story in front of the whole world! I almost dropped the phone. She said I wanted to tape one of my comedy shows and interview me and Olivia for a piece on black men battling depression. The Most High is so good!
On Sunday, January 31st we went to our church, Destiny World Church, and I gave my life to the Most High. Our Pastor, Wilbert T. Purvis III, had me so full of the spirit that I was the first one to the alter call. I went back into the prayer room and asked that they would pray for my strength because that night was my first night doing clean comedy. So it was done. That night at my good friend Comedian Reggie Jackson's Comedy verity show, I had the best show that I had ever had plus I was getting recorded by CNN. I give it all to the Most High! All to the Most High! All to the Most High! For everything! That following Wednesday, Olivia and I went to CNN for the interview with Annika. We felt ok about it but we were still overwhelmed by everything. So we called Annika and asked her how we did and she said we did great. Then she told us that the show was going to air that Saturday night. Olivia and I were ecstatic! It was also a blessing to have Queen Dr. Morrow on the piece as well. So not only was the depression gone, Olivia and I were about to make history! So Friday came and that’s when the enemy tested all of us. I believe Annika was hit the hardest. The story was almost was a no go due to show changes that took place. We then all started to pray to the Most High again and all was well. The Most High is so good! Then on Saturday, February 6, 2010, history was made. They showed our story in front of millions of people! I was just in dream land when I saw us on TV. This piece was put together and produced with perfection like when the Most High created the universe. It was awesome! I have viewed the clip online about 50 times already. ..lol. So that same night, my wife and I started this blog to hopefully help people to get over what I went through and with the hope that it will bless someone and save their life. The first step is to pray to the Most High and put all faith into him. Then talk about it! Talk about it! Talk about it! You will not be less of a man or woman if you talk about how you are feeling. It worked for me and I'm living and breathing with the grace of the Most High to tell you that it can work for you too! Talking Doesn't Hurt! Amen and Ashe'!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Black Men and Depression
This is a video that we found on CNN regarding Black Men and Depression. Please view and feel free to comment.
Don't Suffer in Silence
Depression is a subject that is not talked about, especially in the black community. For the past 2 years, our family has battled this issue in secrecy. But now we are opening up and showing the world that talking doesn't hurt....it helps. We pray that this blog will not only bring light into the darkness of depression , but give people the courage to talk about it.
"You add gas to the flame of depression when you don't talk about it." Comedian Lance Thompson
"You add gas to the flame of depression when you don't talk about it." Comedian Lance Thompson
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